Uniqueness, boundaries, and crossing them

I've really enjoyed reading everyone's experiences in the comments to my last post.  Not only were they quite astonishing, but they were also pretty funny.  You guys have left me thinking about a few things.

First, if we can look beyond all that is horrifying and astonishing about those experiences, there is (usually) something endearing about them also.  I think that one reason for this is that those experiences are irreducibly local and convey a certain color or flavor of that person in that ward in that place at that time, as well as your relationship to all of those layers of the context of your experience.  Not one of those experiences could have even come close to coming out of Church correlation.  We may (in theory) have been having the same lesson in Sunday School or Priesthood or Relief Society that you were having the week of your memorable experience, but you had something extra that reminded you that you would be missing out on something had you not been there (maybe that is a sacrifice that sometimes you would have been willing to make . . .).

Second, I think that we have our standard practices, customs, expectations, etc. for a reason and it is important to have some good awareness of them as we try to navigate relating to others in a community like a ward.  I'll refer to these social practices or mores as "boundaries," but insert the term that works best for you.  I think that one of the reasons that we have boundaries is to help us know how to be close to one another and to show each other respect.  The closer our relationships, the more vulnerable we become and the easier it is threaten and/or hurt one another.  It helps when there is some predictability then to how we might show respect and care for one another's vulnerabilities.  Boundaries often provide some of that predictability.  That said, boundaries often change from situation to situation and we all have experience discovering that we have unknowingly crossed a boundary.  There needs to be room for growth, learning, and forgiveness, so it is important that we be flexible and charitable where we can.  Remember, the point of boundaries is to help us to be close, not to sort out the "good people" from the "bad people."

As I've been thinking about this, it is striking to me how different boundaries can be from situation to situation and from context to context.  Likewise, I am also quite pleased at how often a tolerable respect for boundaries (at least within their reasonable margin of error) leaves ample room for the local character and uniqueness that I loved so much about your stories. 

[edit]

So Annalisa informs me that from this point in the post I got way too wierd.  I guess 2:00 a.m. with insomnia is not my most lucid moment.  For those of you who got to read it, I hope you had a good laugh.  For the rest of you, I'll just let you wonder what that picture of a funny doctor has to do with anything.

**update 7/14/08**
Wierd be hanged. Here's the redacted material:

Allow me to illustrate.

The boundaries of my relationship with my doctor (in the context of our appointment) are unlike any other relationship. What happens in the doctor's office has no true parallel to any other situation in my life. I find myself exposed, poked, prodded, and inspected by my doctor in ways and places that I permit no other person and with a (relative) level of comfort that, as I think about it, is quite astonishing. Why does this work? It works because we know how to behave as doctor and patient, we know what the boundaries are. And yet, I've had some pretty interesting doctor's appointments within those boundaries. Recently I came bumping up against those boundaries as I had to have a somewhat more "detailed" inspection than what is usual for me (I'll leave it at that). What cracked me up (what pun? I said I'd leave it at that) was how much all of the quirks and idiosyncrasies of my doctor shone through as he checked things out. His funny way of talking and some of his strange expressions made me excruciatingly aware that it was Dr. Graden and no other doctor that was doing my exam. Absolutely professional, absolutely unique; still a bit awkward, but probably the least awkward that something like that is ever going to get. Thank goodness for boundaries!

I'll let you judge this next one for yourselves as far as boundary appropriateness goes. During my first semester at BYU I was getting my missionary papers together, so I went to the health center (it was the old one then) for my physical. The doctor that I saw had an exam room with an adjoining office separated by a window wall and a door that was wide open. He had me sit on the exam table and did all of the usual stuff. It came time for me to cough for him and he told me to stand up and lower my pants and boxers. He had the little drawer-type step on the exam table open so that is where I ended up standing by default, which felt a bit awkward (a pedestal of sorts?). I followed the rest of his instructions just as the telephone in his office rang. And he answered it. And I was left there. Standing. Half naked. On the step. While he talked on the phone. After about 30 of the longest seconds I felt justified in replacing my boxers until he finally finished his phone call and returned. I then resumed my readiness and was expecting him to go for the box of latex gloves before proceeding. Instead he just went for it. I think I would have coughed whether he had said to or not. I passed my physical and went on my way, but what a weird experience. The boundaries that really counted were still in place (maybe the hygiene one was a little iffy), but it was such an odd moment when he shifted from doctor to telephone conversationalist and left me there in all my glorious patienthood.
Yikes, I hope I haven't crossed any irreparable boundaries in sharing these stories. Either way, there is no question that this post is from Brady Wiggins.